Welcome to Mars

This is why I must not be allowed to travel in space.

If I were the first person to step out of a spacecraft and onto the surface of Mars, I would know that every single syllable I utter would be recorded, transmitted, studied, and dissected for a century or more.

So, I would place my finger on my transmitter switch. Then I would say:

“As we take this great step into the– oh, who are y–” and then I would switch my transmitter off for thirty seconds.

Then I would switch it back on and say:

“Mars is a nice place. Earthlings, come on over. Welcome and be here. Bring all your wet bodies and food, please.”

I would totally abuse this situation.