Nostradamus, my ass!

Predict This!

By now, lots of people have heard about how Nostradamus “predicted” the attack on the Twin Towers and as evidence, they offered the following quatrain:

In the year of the new century and nine months,
From the sky will come a great King of Terror…
The sky will burn at forty-five degrees.
Fire approaches the great new city…

In the city of york there will be a great collapse,
2 twin brothers torn apart by chaos while the fortress
falls the great leader will succumb third big war will
begin when the big city is burning


The fact was, Nostradamus was really wasted when he wrote it and it was in French, a language which is poorly translated, even by the French (especially when wasted).

I have been fortunate enough to locate a much more accurate translation of it, which I am happy to share with you:

When I was a hundred years old, I was pregnant for nine months.
That old rat bastard on the hill knocked me up.
And his penis was only slightly attentive.
Yet still he approached me wearing bright red underpants.

I tried to imagine he was Michael York, even when he went flaccid.
I hurled my legs apart, hoping the confusion of my unshaven beauty would empassion him.
Somehow, we got his little dick in me. Perhaps with a splint.
And it burned. He gave me the pox.

So, I’m glad I could finally clear that up.

I now return you to whatever it was you were doing.