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“She knew the deal when she signed up.”

You know how sometimes people in multipartner relationships say “Well, this person agreed to that kind of relationship dynamic when they signed on, so they have no room to bitch” when it comes to disposing of partners that have become inconvenient or dis...

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“Restrictive Sexuality”

I often use the term “restrictive sexuality” when referring to monogamy. This is deliberate.

I’ve been told I’m being mean, judgmental, negative, and a variety of other things when I use the term “restrictive sexuality.” This amuses me, of course.

I look at how different people differentiate the...

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Plan or Perish

I suspect a lot of people would be a lot less outraged if they considered two possibilities Very Seriously before they opened their mouths or acted:

  1. Whatever the contest or competition or discussion — they need to have a thought-out plan for when they lose.
  2. Whatever the question, they need to be...

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“Creepy, doll.”

I’ve been experimenting with the word “creepy” and what it means.1

My current experiment is that we use “creepy” when we’re afraid to say “predatory.” Maybe it’s because we don’t want to offend someone, or maybe because we don’t actually think the behavior is predatory, but we aren’t willing...

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The Fix Is In.

Fixing things is tough. Fixing social things is especially tough. People are dynamical meat systems, and capable of nearly anything.

The kinds of social things I’m talking about here are events, gatherings, groups, etc. Anywhere there’s a few people. Sometimes in these situations, unpleasant t...

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How to Communicate

I have seen too many people get screwed by being unable to communicate (myself included). The usual pattern of events ends in something that can best be summarized by “I didn’t know what was going on.” Now me, I hate being ignorant, so I started taking a look at social interactions, with an e...

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We all need mirrors.

It feels as if there’s an inverse relationship between a group’s claim at the efficacy of their self-policing and the actual ability for them to self-police.

Or maybe there isn’t. Maybe no groups are good at self-policing, but it’s so ubiquitous that we only really pay attention to the ones th...

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We are the cops. You and me.

I read an amusing list online a few days ago. It was a list of how not to be “creepy.” It was all the usual things, such as “don’t touch people without their permission,” and “don’t corner people when they’re alone,” and “pay attention to subtle little things like how we lift our...

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