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The Designated Control Freak

Many years ago, while traveling with new friends, we learned a phrase from them: Designated Control-Freak (or DCF).

The DCF is who — in a group of people — decides where we shall have dinner that night (this was the context in which it came up). So how, we wondered, was the DCF actually designate...

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“Cleanup on Aisle Collaboration, please.”

There is a game I read about years ago.

In that game, four kids each hold onto a broomstick, and try to push it downward into a cup on the floor.

That can already be a little tricky.

But there is a fifth kid at the bottom and it’s their job — with one hand on the broom — to keep the broo...

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The Fix Is In.

Fixing things is tough. Fixing social things is especially tough. People are dynamical meat systems, and capable of nearly anything.

The kinds of social things I’m talking about here are events, gatherings, groups, etc. Anywhere there’s a few people. Sometimes in these situations, unpleasant t...

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We all need mirrors.

It feels as if there’s an inverse relationship between a group’s claim at the efficacy of their self-policing and the actual ability for them to self-police.

Or maybe there isn’t. Maybe no groups are good at self-policing, but it’s so ubiquitous that we only really pay attention to the ones th...

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It’s like The Drake Equation for sex!

I’ve known a lot of people who seem very unhappy because they keep forgetting one of the most important relationship facts ever.

It’s an idea that has totally saved my bacon:

There’s plenty of fish in the sea.

There have been times when I was struggling with a situation, struggling with a rela...

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We are the cops. You and me.

I read an amusing list online a few days ago. It was a list of how not to be “creepy.” It was all the usual things, such as “don’t touch people without their permission,” and “don’t corner people when they’re alone,” and “pay attention to subtle little things like how we lift our...

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