Welcome to the Petting Zoo

The Designated Control Freak

Many years ago, while traveling with new friends, we learned a phrase from them: Designated Control-Freak (or DCF).

The DCF is who — in a group of people — decides where we shall have dinner that night (this was the context in which it came up). So how, we wondered, was the DCF actually designate...

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Frititaj Terpomoj

Dear French Fries,

Yes, you’ve been around since my childhood.

Yes, you’ve always consoled me when burgers treat me like shit.

Yes, I realize that somewhere in your core, you desire to be healthy and good.

Yes, I realize that many of my good memories come from times you’ve been with me.


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Fresh Bear Squeezin’s!

Food containers can be so puzzling…

For example, honey in plastic bears teaches me that if I turn a bear upside down and squeeze really hard, sweet goo comes out.

Pez dispensers are the best, however. Pez dispensers teach me that if I bend someone’s head back far enough to reveal a hole in their...

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