Post-mortem predation for dogs won’t start for several days — they have to be pretty desperate.
Post-mortem predation for cats starts within the first 24 hours of death.
Continue reading “Kitty Bites”Kitty Bites
Haruspicy
I would not say that I believe in reading entrails to ascertain whether or not the future is bright. That said, however, I think the future could be made brighter depending on whose entrails are selected.
These statements do not contradict each other.
But what if it does?!
Our culture seemingly worships the heroic/crazy notion of “Well, it might NOT work, but if it does, wouldn’t that be great? Sure, the odds are long, but let’s roll the dice! Don’t tell me the odds, let’s just do it because it should be done, because it’s right and just and heroic — even if we fail, the work is good. We are a team and that means we help each other, we don’t leave a teammate behind, we act together, we play together, we drill together, we are a team. As long as we are a team, as long as we all look out for each other, then we will win. We might not win the cup, but we’ll win friendship. We might not win the prize, but we’ll win our own self-respect. So, damn the odds, damn the faceless authority, damn all those who mock and crap on us. We might be underdogs, but we know that what matters is that we found each other, that we are a team, that we are moving forward!“
Continue reading “But what if it does?!”Trioxin
I am both a diver and a zombie movie fan, so when I try to remember “Nitrox,” and I instead keep remembering “Trioxin,” then that is a hilarious thing.
“Send more divers!”
Winning!
Most of us fantasize about fighting in the Great Zombie War. We just make assumptions about which team we’d be on.
Mysterious Unexplainable Clouds
All these “ideas” about how to keep bullets out of kids and other people who have not consented to having bullets put into them are starting to sound a lot like how to keep unwanted dicks out of people — treating both bullets and dicks as a kind of uncontrollable natural force.
Continue reading “Mysterious Unexplainable Clouds”Beautiful Horror
Sometimes there is extraordinary beauty in even the meanest of things.
It does not make the beauty less for its birth, nor the horrors better for their act of genesis.
It reminds us the Universe is more complex than we expected.
Painting the Door Hinge a Bright Shade of Orange
“Atheists can’t be trusted to operate morally,” basically means “If I weren’t being threatened by eternal damnation I’d be a complete bag of dicks, and I can’t imagine anyone else doing better than me at self-control, either.”
Continue reading “Painting the Door Hinge a Bright Shade of Orange”Three Basics for Multiple Partner Relationships
I have come to the notion that there’s a lot to be said for gratitude and for apologies and for kindness when it comes to multiple partner relationships.
If it helps any, awesome. If it doesn’t, also awesome.
Continue reading “Three Basics for Multiple Partner Relationships”Thou Art Dismissed
The dismissal of gods is an act of profound humility and an acceptance of an astounding perspective.
Continue reading “Thou Art Dismissed”Propheteering
Never trust a prophet.
Continue reading “Propheteering”Tic-Tac-Toe is not a Challenging Game
Talking with some folks is like playing tic-tac-toe against a chicken at the county fair. The chicken only knows a couple simple rules, but keeps beating you because you don’t understand that the point of the game isn’t to beat the chicken…
…but to keep you playing at a quarter a pop.
(Also, the chicken craves attention.)
Faith is an Indicator
In a world where a claim to “faith” protects one from scrutiny or accountability, those who claim to faith must be considered likely to want to avoid scrutiny or accountability.
Continue reading “Faith is an Indicator”A Battle Of Ancestors
The biggest advantage to private bathrooms is that no one tries to tell you “You don’t belong here” because private bathrooms are for the person occupying them. This notion that bathrooms must be sex-segregated seems a bit silly and old-fashioned anyway.
Continue reading “A Battle Of Ancestors”Not all Bootstraps are Equal
Americans pride themselves on being able to “lift yourself up by your own bootstraps,” and to succeed based on “your own efforts, will, wits, and determination.”
Continue reading “Not all Bootstraps are Equal”The Free Market Needs Your Help!
Vaccination ruined the child coffin business. Just ruined it.
Won’t people think of the child coffin business before they decide to vaccinate their children?
Homo Sapiens ELE
I’ve been fascinated the past couple years casually studying Extinction Level Events.
At a gross level, these are events triggering, or short periods of time describing situations where there have been rapid die-offs in the history of the planet.
Continue reading “Homo Sapiens ELE”Show me the Metric!
I don’t think “what’s your metric?” qualifies as a threatening question when someone says “things are way better now!” or “things are way worse now!”
Continue reading “Show me the Metric!”I Think the Needle Needs to Point in the Opposite Direction.
Adults tell children “No, you can’t do that. Stop that. Put that down. Don’t put that in your mouth. Only one cookie. No ice cream after eight. No watching five episodes of Battlestar Galactica in a row” and when kids object, adults tell them “When you live in your own house and pay your own bills, you can make your own rules.”
Continue reading “I Think the Needle Needs to Point in the Opposite Direction.”A Variation on a Theme
With Spider-Man, everyone knows “With great power comes great responsibility,” but maybe that’s good to start out, good for kids.
Continue reading “A Variation on a Theme”Read Responsibly
Once while reading a book on the way to work, I almost walked into a telephone pole. I don’t know if it was actually a telephone pole, but that’s what we tend to call them.
Continue reading “Read Responsibly”Religious Discrimination
Telling someone “Just because you can’t do things to other people in the name of your religion doesn’t mean that you are experiencing religious discrimination” rarely is the “QED” of the argument because it presupposes that practitioners of said religion will stop what they’re doing and conclude “Oh gosh, I didn’t want to do that!”
Continue reading “Religious Discrimination”The Secret Enemy
In a society where claiming one is an atheist results in one not being considered “trustworthy,” one cannot depend on claims of religious affiliation to indicate “trustworthiness.”
The most successful viruses out there succeed by pretending to be valuable to the cells they invade.
Make or Break
Sometimes I try to solve my problems as if they are a supply chain issue — with many elements contributing to the success condition, and many elements contributing to the failure condition. It’s not a magic bullet, but it reminds me that any selling one-stop solutions is probably selling snake oil.
Pants on Fire
I suspect the most outrageous liars are the ones who ostentatiously declare how willing they are to be “under oath.” It’s like watching a child declare “Check it — I’m not crossing my fingers!”
Continue reading “Pants on Fire”Career Living
It’s probably about time we stopped thinking of our careers as our identities. The time when employers had to respect their employees for fear of losing them is gone, and the time when employees could count on their employers “taking care of them” is also gone.
Our parents and our grandparents had a life like that, but that is not what the future holds.
Impostor Syndrome
I’ve always secretly felt like I never truly qualified to be in the Impostor Syndrome Support Group.
Meta-Language
One day I was out walking along a common path near my house. A dog came running up to me. A big dog. A German Shepherd, as I recall. And he was looking like he meant business. Not giving me “let’s play” signals, but “Let’s go, motherfucker,” signals. As in growling.
Continue reading “Meta-Language”Loving the Sin
It is not shocking that those who allege to “hate the sin yet love the sinner” seem deeply incapable of manifesting this alleged love in any way that can be identified, measured, or noted. For all intents and purposes, “hate the sin, yet love the sinner” manifests as “hate the sinner and act accordingly.”
Continue reading “Loving the Sin”“An Honorable Man”
Be cautious before offering “honor” a place at the table without a deeper look. A man who says he is going to kill and eat one hundred babies live on stage who actually does so is inarguably “true to his word” and could be considered “honorable.”
But you might not wanna break bread with him anyway.
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