The Top Ten Sexiest Christmas Gifts
- A twelve-pack of Extra-Large condoms and the burning urge to use them all.
- Matching inscribed nipple rings.
- Soft neoprene replicas of the Presidential candidates' reproductive organs.
- A bit and bridle set, fashioned from the softest of materials.
- An autographed copy of the Tonya Harding wedding and CPR demo video.
- A gentle rubdown with sweet-scented oil (which should last four to eight weeks).
- Underpants smaller than last year's.
- Matching tattoos which read "I'm hers because I find her birthmark sexy" and "I'm his because I find his penis."
- Any vibrator worth two month's salary.
- A bathtub filled with creme de menthe-flavored Cool-Whip™!
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