The Top Ten "What, No Pictures?!" ER Stories of 1995
- Augusta, ME
Four people were admitted to Augusta General Hospital yesterday after being involved in a string of bizarre accidents. 23-year old Sherry Moeller was admitted with a head wound caused by flying masonry, 28-year old Tim Vegas was diagnosed with a mild case of whiplash and contusions on his chest, arms and face, 38-year old Bryan Corocoran suffered torn gum tissue, and 30-year old Pamela Klesick's first two fingers of her right hand had been bitten off. Moeller had just dropped her husband off for his first day of work and, in addition to a good-bye kiss, she pulled down her top and flashed her breasts at him. "I'm still not sure why I did it," she said later. "I was really close to the car, so I didn't think anyone would see. Besides, it couldn't have been for more than two seconds." Unfortunately, cab driver Vegas did see and in fact was so distracted that he lost control of his cab, running up over the curb and into the corner of the Johnson Medical Building. Inside, Klesick, a dental technician, was cleaning Corocoran's teeth. The crash of the cab against the building startled her and she jumped Corocoran, tearing his gums with a cleaning pick. In shock, Corocoran bit down, severing two fingers from Klesick's hand. Sherry Moeller's head wound was caused by a falling piece of the Medical Building. Moeller and Vegas have been released from the hospital but Corocoran and Klesick had to each undergo corrective surgery. Both are expected to recover normal function. Charges are being considered by the cab company for which Vegas was driving. - Phoenix, AZ
A policewoman involved in a sting operation has been suspended pending investigation of a charge of prostitution. Karen McNulty, 34, an officer of eight years, was transporting Dr. James Pollard, 42, downtown after arresting him during a prostitution "roundup". Dr. Pollard, a psychiatrist, propositioned Officer McNulty, who was disguised as a prostitute, offering her money for sex. According to Officer McNulty, Dr. Pollard continued to offer himself to her during the entire trip to the downtown jail. Shortly before arriving, Pollard successfully convinced McNulty to not only release him from custody, but to escort him to his Northwest Scottsdale residence. Additionally, he convinced her to stop and pick up an additional female prostitute to join the two of them. Unfortunately for them, this third woman was off-duty police officer Barbara Swann, 29, who promptly arrested both solicitors. "McNulty has always been a fine officer," declared her legal counsel, Jacob Purcell. "Her involvement with this entire affair has to have been involuntary. Dr. Pollard is a practicing hypnotist and we are not discounting the possibility that he may have influenced her to act against her own will and better judgment." "I still can't believe what came over me," said McNulty during a news conference. "[Dr. Pollard] really made everything seem so reasonable." Dr. Pollard was unavailable for comment. - Pittsburgh, PA
Pittsburgh police are formally charging a woman for the asphyxiation death of her husband of thirty-four years. Sixty-three year old Marie Jennings is charged with involuntary manslaughter in the death of her husband, sixty-nine year old Buckman "Buck" Jennings. According to the County Coroner's report, Mr. Jennings had wrapped a towel around his neck during sex and asked his wife to release it just before he passed out. Apparently Mrs. Jennings miscalculated and Mr. Jennings slipped into an asphyxiation-induced coma which lasted for three days before he passed away. Mrs. Jennings was released on her own recognizance and an arraignment date has been set. - Kennett, MO
Paramedics were called to rescue a man who had reportedly lodged his own penis in his bathroom sink drain. According to his testimony, the man had been trying to change a light bulb above the sink when he slipped on the lip and fell. His penis sustained heavy bruising and abrasions and swelled to such a degree that he was unable to remove it from the drain. A neighbor, hearing his shouts, called police. They eventually broke the door down, despite the victim's fevered pleas that he was fine and in no need of assistance. Paramedics arrived within ten minutes and administered an injection which caused the swelling to drop enough so that the penis could be removed without damage to either it or the sink. The man was released from the hospital in satisfactory condition after a brief examination. - Taos, NM
A woman was brought to the Sunrise Poison Control Center after eating three birth-control vaginal inserts. Her English was so bad she eventually had to draw a picture describing how she believed she had poisoned herself. A translator arrived shortly thereafter and confirmed doctors' suspicions. 19-year old Marie Valishnokov claimed she thought the inserts were some kind of candy or gum, being unable to read the foil wrappers. After the third one, she realized something was wrong when her throat and mouth began to fill with a sour-tasting foam. Panicked, she ran for the Poison Control Center, which was only a few blocks away. Doctors were able to flush the foam from her mouth, throat and stomach with no ill effects and release Valishnokov that afternoon. - Los Angeles, CA
Antonio Mendoza, a 55-year old attorney, was released in satisfactory condition Thursday from the Lutheran Trauma Center after having a cellular phone removed from his rectum. "My dog drags the thing all over the house," he said later. "He must have dragged it into the shower. I slipped on the tile, tripped against the dog and sat down right on the thing. I'd rather not think further about it though, if you don't mind!" The extraction took more than three hours due to the fact that the cover to Mr. Mendoza's phone had opened during insertion and the entire unit was very tightly wedged in. "He was a real trooper during the entire episode," said Doctor Dennis Crobe. "Tony just cracked jokes and really seemed to be enjoying himself. Three times during the extraction his phone rang and each time, he made jokes about it that just had us rolling on the floor. By the time we finished, we really did expect to find an answering machine in there." Mr. Mendoza has just completed a product endorsement agreement with the manufacturer of the telephone. - Tacoma, WA
A man was treated for the accidental amputation of his foot sustained during an abortive bungee jump from the Tacoma Narrows Bridge on Friday. Kerry Bingham, 21, had been drinking with several of his friends when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from the bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and eventually, at least ten men found themselves trooping out along the pedestrian walkway of the bridge at 4:30am. When they all arrived at the midpoint of the bridge, it was discovered that no one had brought bungee rope with which to jump. Bingham, who had continued drinking during the entire trip, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay nearby. In a matter of minutes, one end of the cable had been secured around Bingham's leg and the other end had been tied to the bridge. His fall lasted forty feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy water beneath the bridge and was rescued by two men who were nearby, fishing. "All I can say," said Bingham in a released statement. "Is that God was watching out for me on that night. There's just no other explanation for it." Bingham's foot was never located. - Portland, OR
A man was admitted to St. Aquinas Emergency Clinic with severe bruising and lacerations on his penis and testicles, apparently caused in an accident involving a handheld vacuum cleaner. The man, a 28-year old construction worker, claimed to have been cleaning his house wearing only a bathrobe when he tripped while vacuuming, having been distracted because his robe fell open. "It always does that," he said. "I keep meaning to rig up some kind of tie for it, but I never do. I guess I'll get around to it now." He fell on the vacuum and the small beater bar of the device caused enough damage to require fifteen stitches and an overnight stay at the Clinic. - New York, NY
A man was treated for asphyxiation after falling into a storage vat filled with sewage and held underneath the surface for almost three minutes. "It's kind embarrassing when you think about it," said 43-year old Tim Young, of Brooklyn. "I mean, here I am passing out under all that mess and I'm thinking to myself: Hey, do I really want to be rescued? If they rescue me, I'll have to explain how I fell in. As it turns out, I guess I did want to be rescued bad enough." Young pounded on the sides and bottom of the tank as he was stirred through and eventually, one of his co-workers heard the noise. When the aeration machinery was shut down, he floundered to the surface, but had stopped breathing. Paramedics were called, and were forced to use a respirator machine to revive Young. Young refused to answer reporters' questions about his activities directly prior to falling into the tank. "I think if it were your mother involved, you would understand," he said. He urged all of his co-workers to be cautious around the tanks. He was released after an overnight stay at St. Mary's Hospital. - Bremerton, WA
28-year old Christopher Coulter and his wife, 25-year old Emily Coulter, were both admitted to Harrison Memorial Hospital Thursday evening, Mrs. Coulter with a sprained wrist and ankle and Mr. Coulter with his severed penis in a styrofoam ice cooler. According to Mrs. Coulter's testimony, she and her husband were engaging in various bondage games. Mr. Coulter suggested spreading peanut butter on his genitals and allowing Rudy, their Irish Setter, to lick them clean. Unfortunately, Rudy lost control and began tearing at Mr. Coulter's penis and testicles. Rudy refused to answer to commands and a panicked Mrs. Coulter threw a half-gallon bottle of perfume at the dog. The bottle broke, covering the dog and Mr. Coulter with perfume. Startled, Rudy leaped back, finally tearing away Mr. Coulter's penis. While trying to wrestle her unconscious husband into the car to take him to the hospital, Mrs. Coulter fell twice, sustaining injuries to her wrist and ankle. She also brought the severed member, packed with ice in a six-pack styrofoam cooler. "Chris is just plain lucky," said Doctor Evan Craft, the surgeon who spent eight hours reattaching the penis. "Believe it or not, the perfume turned out to be very fortuitous. The high alcohol content, which must have been excruciatingly painful, helped sterilize the wound. Also, aside from its being removed, the damage caused by the dog's teeth to the penis per se is minimal. It's really a very stringy piece of flesh. Mr. Coulter stands an excellent chance of regaining the use of his limb because of this." Washington Animal Control have no plans to seize Rudy. "If the Coulters asked us," said Officer Blaine Nichols. "We could take the animal, but in cases such as this where there is clear evidence of baiting an otherwise amiable dog, we typically warn the human involved. We don't see any need for such a warning here."
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