Confessions of a Cineplex Heckler: Celluloid Tirades & Escapades
Joe Queenan
Absolutely hilarious stuff. Queenan's done the things (or at least claimed to have done the things) I've only dreamed of doing when I'm feeling very much like less a human being and more a predator of moviegoers. He's jumped into the Atlantic to prove Leonardo Dicaprio couldn't have spoken much at all when immersed, with the possible exception of commenting in a chattery fashion how incredibly cold his testicles were. He's shown that it's extremely unlikely you'll be killed by attempting to cross the street as an obvious blind man, or by having a bookshelf fall on you, but on the contrary, any attempt to escape capture by rolling downstairs in a wheelchair is almost certainly going to be fatal.
Just reading this tempts me to watch every Merchant-Ivory film in a row. To see if it's possible without opening a vein.
When you finish reading the book, do not skip the index. The index is a most excellent part! For example: "White people: extreme difficulty in finding any who like Spike Lee, 155".
