Nearing approaches poly relationships from a very clearly defined position: The one special, "primary" person is your one and only, but others can come along for the ride, too -- only they won't be "true loves" or "soulmates" or whatever. The suggestions and exercises in this book support the clear delineation between "primaries" and "secondaries". It seems as if she's looking at a particular subset of multipartner relationships and naming it "Da Man". (my choice of words, not hers) That's too bad. The book does claim to be a primer, however, so I would hope that people who are really interested in making their own relationships work derive their own set of rules and understanding that is appropriate for their own situation. As if that isn't obvious?