A Glimpse of the Human Soul
Before I begin, however, I must admit that I owe this wonderful page title to Paul H. Henry, and I encourage you to go and visit his Refer Madness page as well.
I'll tell you, nothing offers a more brutal glimpse into the open running sore of the human soul than examining your own referral logs. Behold!
Naughty Stuff
I'm not surprised, really. I mean, 97.655% of the Internet is nothing but boobies and fannies and chocolate banannies.
- puffer fish sucking wemens privets
This was my first indication that the human animal was strange and wonderful. The only actual words here are "puffer", "fish", and "sucking", all of which appear on a page about fish. Which must have been quite a surprise to the fella lookin' for, well, something else.
- hardcore baby
I hope a comma was intended between these two words. As I understand the definition of hardcore, any parent changing diapers is doin' that hardcore thing. But maybe I have my definitions messed up. This guy must have, too.
- albino black porn
It's a world of mystery, man. See, I would have immediately thought of these as mutually exclusive. But as has been pointed out to me, such is simply not the case. Makes me wonder what other assumptions I'm wrong at.
- oral petting
Hey, if it's oral, it's with your mouth. If it's petting, it's with your hand. I guess this could be "hand sucking" or "mouth petting". What do you think?
- tied a rope around his genitals
And what? Left them outside the drug store while he went in and had a prescription filled? My favorite is windin' 'em up like a lawnmower pull, then giving 'em a good yank to get the blades spinning. But then, this is why there are so few pages of "lawnmower porn".
- zoo free porn
Because I'm tired of getting all that porn from zoos. I guess I could start at zoo-lite porn, but I prefer going cold turkey.
- pictures of penis and testicles of a dog
Why should I supply pictures of something anyone can go and look at any day? For free? Don't you think there's a very good reason they don't ask you at the pound if you intend to sexually abuse or erotically photograph your new dog? Red rocket, red rocket!
- mexican donkey sex
I'm disappointed. Is no one supplying the needs of users desperate for Canadian donkey sex?
- nine year old enjoying sex
Because, presumably, this guy's tired of all those pictures of nine-year olds not enjoying sex?
- bremerton prostitute
I respect people who do research before they go on business trips. But they need to acquire a preposition or two.
- prostitution in bremerton
Ah, much better.
People Really in Need of Help
I appreciate people looking for help. I appreciate them finding my site. I pity them, but I appreciate them.
- how to tell if your being lied to
Wrong use of the word "your"...
- how to know if you are being lied to
...which is probably why this query worked better. Can't think of any advice I could offer that would reveal if someone's lying to you, but then again, all you have to do, really, is count the number of knives in your back. If the count is higher than a half hour ago, you're being lied to.
- how do you tell your partner you apologize
Well, seems like lying to them wouldn't help, because they'll probably have taken my correspondence course in lie detection, so you just won't get away with it.
- should you always tell your friends the truth
If they're me, hell yes! I conferred with my autographed copy of the Bible and it says so, too.
Music Fans
I love music. They do, too.
- lenny and the squigtones
Bet you didn't know this was even a group, did you?
- lenny the squigtones
Hey, here's someone else looking!
- lenny squigtones
Now, here's a person who not only has impeccable musical taste, but is a no-nonsense search engine kinda person.
Our Fans
Evidently, these folks really like us, our friends, and various celebrities... Maybe even together?
- edward porn
Look, all you have to do is e-mail me!
- jason brooks nude
Jason's response: (flinch) "I'm curious to see who's wondering. Ooooh, fourteen dollars for 128 Megs of RAM!"
- topless engineer
Does the gender matter? I'm already topless on a couple of pages.
- chris ward hardcore
I've heard Chris play guitar and it can be energetic and rough, but hardcore? On the other hand, Chris may be wasting his talent in music and should move to modeling.
- nude photos of mary tyler moore
Okay. It could have been worse. It could have been Ernest Borgnine.
- nicole brown simpson topless
Now, this is just tasteless. Suggesting that she would be a good Pez dispenser is worse, so I'm glad that didn't show up in my log.
Inexplicable Stuff
The fact of the matter is that I don't know what to say about these folks.
- i want any picture for shrimps
'Cause, you know, shrimps can't surf the web themselves.
- lesbians in the zoo
Just keep the cages clean. I hope they managed to snag a breeding pair. Whoops, what am I thinking?
- man vacuuming pictures
They're dirty pictures. Get it?
- illegal tiny boys
I'm in a long episode of "Land of the Giants", aren't I?
- what to wear under rubber suits
Rubber underwear?
- predators chasing pray pictures
Because a lot of predators, tormented by their own lifestyles, move toward more devout lives.
- there really isnt anything is there
Damn philosophers.
- never lose hangman
"Never give up! Never surrender!" Perhaps I should write a book -- award-winning hangman strategies. Looks like there's an interest.
- get the hell out of the way of the volcano pictures
Because the volcano pictures are really scary, I guess. English -- it's more than a language, it's a way of getting cheap laughs at other people's expense.
- holy carrot
Perhaps this organization should go underground. Find their roots. You know, embrace Carrot. Or maybe it was supposed to be "Holy Carrottop", which would simply be terrifying, don't you think?
- shatner screensaver
What do you suppose it does? I figure it just makes the spaces between applications bigger. Presumably, it's best used for widescreen monitors?
- rich corinthian leather download
I guess the higher-quality computers all can do this. I can't help but think of Ricardo Montalban pushing computers.
