"If God had not meant for us to roll drunks, He wouldn't have invented Thunderbird."
- Here I am making three kinds of fools of myself on Tribe.
"Hey, there's Death walking over to Taco Bell!"
- Erin Heft, observing activity from our supernaturally high 10th floor perch during Norwescon 2004
"We will make another feature when we forget how much making a feature is a huge pain in the ass. Money can help us forget."
"It's amazing how money dulls the pain"
- Me, then Katrina, while trying to figure out when we're going to shoot our next feature.
"Whenever someone asks me 'What can one person do against The Man? What can one person do against the Government? What can one person do to change the world?' I just tell them 'Give me an airplane.'"
- Me, during a lunchtime BBQ discussion with Jason one day.
"Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh."
- George Bernard Shaw
"The liar's punishment is not in the least that he is not believed, but that he cannot believe anyone else."
- George Bernard Shaw
"I saved D-Day!"
- Griffin (age 5) after returning D-Day to the proper location in time during a game of Chrononauts.
"Better to be hated for what you are than loved for what you're not."
- Piph
"I like you just the way you are."
- Fred Rogers
"Well, you're on your own, 'cause Elvis is not my Higher Power."
- Katrina
"Blind patriotism isn't patriotism. It's blind."
- something from my notebook
"The only time a person trying to understand and learn is an enemy is when they're fighting ignorance and fear."
- something from my notebook
"The next person you meet might be you. Be careful."
- something from my notebook
"Does a vagina symbolize our marriage? Did you hear I do coming from my pants?"
- some conversation in the car
"You would understand me better if you took off that tinfoil hat."
- Mari and I talking with each other.
"Genetics is far too complicated a science for us to be dinkin' with, particularly when we hold embryos in such high regard. Ahem. We are not a blind man touching part of an elephant -- we are a blind man describing what the monitor reports from the robot that landed on the giant space elephant. We wouldn't know cause-and-effect if it jizzed in our Sanka."
- One of my dumb-ass rants
"Why do we laugh? We laugh because we can't cry. Why can't we cry? Because we're all dried out from the last crying jag, of course."
- Some... things from my notebooks
"Why do we laugh? We laugh because we can't cry. Why do we want to cry? Because we're reminded of our own mortality. But isn't that worth crying about? Not when your cellmate chubs at tears. No, no, no, you laugh. Believe me, you laugh a lot."
- Something else from my notebooks
"Before a standing army can rule, the people must be disarmed; as they are in almost every kingdom of Europe. The supreme power in America cannot enforce unjust laws by the sword; because the whole body of the people are armed, and constitute a force superior to any bands of regular troops that can be, on any pretense, raised in the United States."
- Noah Webster, 1888
"Why don't we eat God. Our mothers serve us food and tell us that they worked very hard to make it, so we should enjoy it and eat it all up. But, despite the fact that we've worked much harder on making God, we still can't bring ourselves to eat him? Are we also afraid of "You are what you eat"?"
- Some damn thing I wrote in e-mail
"Since boot camp, I'll never think of lollipops the same."
- Jason Brooks
"You should pick something to die of, then strive for it."
- Robert Barr
"The Past can't be changed because it already happened. The Future can't be changed because it hasn't."
- Something from my notebook
"Geniuses are justifiably contemptuous of lesser opinion and are always indifferent to sexual customs of the tribe; they make their own rules."
- Robert Heinlein
"You know, everything changes when people put their binkies in each other."
- Jason Brooks
"Seems Jason set his sphincter to 'mist'"
- A critical observation made at our New Year's Eve party.
Overheard at a Starbucks near our house.
Customer: "Oh, you dyed your hair!"
Barista: "No, I just washed it."
later
Other Customer: "You shaved!"
Same Barista: "And I washed!"
"If you want to build a ship, don't drum up people together to collect wood and don't assign them tasks and work, but rather teach them to long for the endless immensity of the sea."
- Antoine de Saint Exupery
"I'm not dying in fucking Tualatin, I can tell you that!"
- Ed Lindell, during a discussion of The Tragic End Times of the human race.
"The first step in the corruption of a representative government is the development of laws protecting it from its own citizens."
- something from my notebooks.
"Military conscription is not a tool of a truly representative government, nor of one worth protecting."
- something from my notebooks.
"The gentle curve of a traffic barrier"
"Sponges racing across the sea floor."
"The inexplicable sight of a transparent coat on a woman who has been shot."
"Houses are traps that capture our souls. We should not live in one place."
- one of my notebooks, after I fell asleep writing. I do not recall writing these lines.
"My driving skills are perfect. Now eat my shit!"
Tracey Thomas, after getting honked at many times by drivers in San Francisco.
"That was our token accident for today. Now are you satisfied with your San Francisco experience?"
Tracey Thomas, one minute later, after getting crashed into by someone ahead of us driving backward.
"Let's see, will I be hopping or swishing?"
Aarron Kemp, trying to decide whether to wear pants or a kilt to a dance at Norwescon.
"I hope nothing blows up in there."
Katrina Martin, casually, as we walked away from the airline ticket counter, after checking our bags. The agent was, after a hurried explanation, understanding enough (but probably placed a "Check this!" invisible marker on our bags anyway).