I enjoyed Burning Man for the first time in 2001. It may have been the hottest year on record for Burning Man, but don't quote me on that. I arrived at about 2pm and somebody told me later they figured it was probably about 112°F. Driving the mile long road from the highway to the gate, we were rolling up our windows trying to keep the dust out. Ha. Then we were cooking in a non air-conditioned Volvo. Quickly we chose life, gave in to our fate and let the dust begin to penetrate our being.
It took me about 24 hours of freaking out quietly in my own head to eventually feel like I was completely out of my mind for having subjected myself to such an interesting cultural event. Being an introvert at an event who's slogan seems to be "Participate, or die!" was a bit of a tweak.
To make a long story shorter, I lived through it and even had some really interesting experiences along the way. The most transformative part of this adventure was finding myself, at several times, feeling completely helpless and at the mercy of my fellow campmates and especially Jason with whom I travelled and shared space. I'm used to being in command of my body, faculties and resources; this was the first time I'd felt truly helpless since I'd been a tiny kid. Between the heat, extensive blisters on my feet, no bicycle, continual social trauma and sleep deprivation, I was in really bad shape. Needless to say, much processing, maybe two years worth, had to come through before I (you guessed it) decided to go back.
I made the journey again in 2003, this time with different camp mates and less committment to community service. I camped with Edward and Dwight at the Tranquility Bay theme camp and it was a great time. We rode around on our bicycles looking at the art installations, enjoying Land of the Blind performances, meeting a few interesting people, handing out cookies and taking it all in. I embraced my helplessness in the middle of the day and was almost content to sit in the shade while others toiled on. I also opened myself to more social interaction and practiced letting go of the fear and continued to feel like I was functioning well and having an ulimately magical experience. If you've been there, it's indescribable, if you haven't it's unimaginable.
Interesting how sometimes the adventure is more about what is happening inside than outside.