The Dangers of a Poly Family
April 17th, 2005 at 12:55 am ()
I love the title. So threatening!
You get any group of four or more people together for any period of time and they’re going to start forming their own social group. They have their own metaphors, their own shared experiences, their own methods of communicating. They have their own language.
Usually, the words are English (or whatever the prevailing tongue in that area might be), but there are perceptual patches that most outsiders, have to skate across, hoping for more familiar territory on the other side.
I’ve seen this in other groups. I’ve seen this in my own social circle. I think it just happens. When it does, it erects a sort of isolationist screen around the group. Sometimes that screen becomes a defensive screen, sometimes an offensive screen, but it’s always there, just a metaphorical haze that you — as an outsider — cannot quite penetrate.
But I think there’s a cure. I do.
I think the cure is, simply, to spread the hell out! To not sit in clumps, to not be in clumps, to make it a point at parties and other social occasions to split the hell up. You could say “divide and conquer”. You could say “divided we fall”. I prefer to say “Look, is this hot sauce really hot, or just tangy, ’cause I’m tired of Hot Sauce Betrayal.” But when I can’t say that, I’ll settle for “divide up and experience as much as you can, and give everyone else a chance to experience each part of the whole alone and as a unique functioning person — who just happens to be a part of a group.”