January 30th, 2007 at 1:43 am ()
If I’m in a house, intently watching a show on Engineering, and the host, not watching anything at all, in particular, changes the channel because “this is boring” and instead chooses a poker-playing channel, and then leaves the room…
…I will probably not have a good time there.
January 27th, 2007 at 1:43 am ()
I have a question for you.
Remember those little statues with sad-dog-faces or smiling child-couples that were captioned with “World’s Best Secretary”, or “World’s Greatest Mom”?
If you had one, what would it look like and what would it say?
January 26th, 2007 at 1:42 am ()
Apparently, possession is 9/10ths of the law.
This could explain a lot.
January 26th, 2007 at 1:42 am ()
The problem with love is this: love is wonderful, beautiful, terrifying, debilitating, painful, glorious, and a joy. The reason that’s such a problem is because people often mistake wonderful things, beautiful things, terrifying things, debilitating things, painful things, glorious things, and joyful things for love. That’s the problem.
January 25th, 2007 at 1:41 am ()
“non-binding resolution” is a somewhat complicated phrase that can be broken down by carefully examining the parts and how they subtly interact with each other.
The breakdown brings us to the following somewhat more simplified version of the phrase “non-binding resolution”:
A lie.
Please make a note of it.
January 24th, 2007 at 1:40 am ()
These are the two best pieces of advice I’ve ever received:
First, never tell all your secrets.
January 24th, 2007 at 1:39 am ()
She wept,
Her tears a slurry
Of ocean and heart-ice.
Hooray for cheesy poetry!
January 23rd, 2007 at 12:32 am ()
What happens to us that we forget the lessons we learned in After School Specials?
Why do we forget to share?
Why do we forget not to make fun of people?
Why do we forget not to hit people?
Why do we forget that life is sometimes not “fair”, but that’s okay and we make do?
Why do we forget that honor amongst our friends is important?
Why do we forget how important our friends are?
Why do we forget to accept responsibility for our mistakes and work to fix things?
Why do we forget to say “I’m sorry” when it’s appropriate?
Why do we forget that everybody has some special insight?
Why do we forget to help people who need a little help?
Why do we forget that “new” friends who try to get you to keep away from your “old” friends aren’t really “friends”?
Does something happen to us one night when we’re asleep? Is it some sort of space ray? Does pubic hair sap moral strength?
I don’t understand.
January 21st, 2007 at 12:31 am ()
Some of our worst enemies are those who refuse to adopt our own limitations as theirs. Which can be a shame, really, because they can also be our best teachers.
January 19th, 2007 at 12:31 am ()
I think choosing your cell phone rings is a lot like masturbation. It should be done in private where we don’t have to experience it with you.
But what is it, I wonder, about overhearing other people’s cell phone ring-choosing game that makes me want to offer my advice: “That one’ll be good for your mother.” “No, not that one — you’ll grow to hate it.” And so on.
I mean, I certainly don’t do that when someone’s masturbating!
January 18th, 2007 at 12:30 am ()
Deconstructing humor is like deconstructing a cat — you might understand how the pieces all fit together by the time you’re done, but it don’t work so good no more.
January 17th, 2007 at 12:29 am ()
I am not following some sort of program, so I’m under no obligation to apologize to anyone. However, on the occasions I think it’s necessary, I have no problem doing so, and I try to be specific.
I don’t debase myself, either. There is no law of the land that says an apology must be a complete lifestyle capitulation. That just seems foolish and so unnecessary.
This all seems perfectly civilized to me.
January 15th, 2007 at 12:29 am ()
It is critical that we all remain as crazy as possible. I think the complacency that comes with a homogeneous society is only one step away from death of the soul.
January 12th, 2007 at 12:28 am ()
“Friggin’ William Shakespeare. How lucky can you get, you have a couple of plays that manage to survive a few nasty burny parts of history and the next thing you know, everybody thinks you’re some kind of genius — even when you contradict yourself. Especially when you contradict myself. Or not. There, was that deep? No. See, that’s what I mean. Friggin’ Shakespeare…”
- Oscar Wilde
January 10th, 2007 at 12:27 am ()
I’m very impressionable, but not a wimp about it. If you want to influence me to change my mind, you have to convince me that your way is better, and at least not contradict anything I already know without a very good explanation. This is rarely a trivial undertaking, but I have a lot of respect for those that try and make it to the place where we see eye-to-eye.
I learn more from that, and I become a better Edward, for which I am very grateful.
I figure most people are like that, though.
January 9th, 2007 at 12:27 am ()
Post-It Toasties
Delicious wafer thin paper for notes or snacking.
Or notes you have to eat afterwards, like spy notes.
The adhesive is edible, too, and comes in different flavors. My favorite is Cinnamon Post-It Toasties.
They would also be vegan and kosher, because I hate excluding people from my product line on the basis of diet or faith.
January 5th, 2007 at 12:26 am ()
I think it is a personal threshold that someone must reach when they decide that it is perfectly acceptable to not want to date someone who doesn’t want to date them. I don’t think this is a gentle threshold, at least it wasn’t with me. It’s a kick to the ego, no doubt, and it can leave us feeling very, very strange — a sort of combination of giddy, angry, upset, fearful, alone, free, and, oh, probably about seventy-eight other things. I also think that some folks never seem to hit this threshold. I’ve seen a fair amount of that in my life as well, from both ends (although I like to think I eventually hit it — or maybe it hit me, it’s hard to tell from the bruises).
January 3rd, 2007 at 12:25 am ()
I don’t think Coke adds life. I don’t. Not really. Not life as we know it. Alien life, maybe. Like, some sort of corn-syrup-and-caffeine based life form. Like that thing that killed Tasha Yar in Next Generation. Coke would add life to that. But do we really want that kind of life? In our mouths?
Whatever “it” is, I don’t think Coke is “it.” What did we do as kids to the kid who was “it”? We ran the heck away. Don’t let “it” touch you, or you’ll be “it” and that would very much suck. This is why, even as adults, we play the “not it” game. No one wants to be “it”. We definitely don’t want to drink “it”.
I don’t think polar bears drink Coke, either. Nor do penguins. And if they did, they would almost certainly not hang out together wearing Santa hats. The polar bears would eat the penguins. There would be unused cans of Coke lying around covered in penguin slurry. Penguin slurry can’t taste good. This is why we put polar bears and penguins on opposite sides of the planet — so that there won’t be penguin slurry. But Coke, Coke thinks penguin slurry is funny, so they put ‘em together. In Santa hats. You want to know what happens mere seconds after the cameras are rolling? No, you don’t want to know. But it’s messy. Very messy.
Coke makes me nervous.
January 2nd, 2007 at 12:23 am ()
“Wouldn’t it be great if we could throw Darwin and Jesus in a big blender and add some lightning and put the essence in a body and then we could create a monster that everybody would believe?” -Oscar Wilde.