Welcome to the Answers!
For every question, there's at least one answer. And sometimes, there's one answer that suits many questions. That's what this page is for. This page helps save time. It's like magic. If you are trying to answer a question, it's entirely possible the answer is already here. So, instead of spending valuable typing time answering, you can simply send people a link to one of the answers on this page. It's easy. Super-easy.
Because, of course, there is no benefit to being difficult.
Readers should be advised that a certain perspective should be maintained while reading these Answers. Each person enjoys their own opinion about the recipient's issue and it's entirely possible that different people would recommend different Answers. That is totally okay and, in fact, encouraged. In fact, perusing all the answers just might result in a bit of semantic serendipity, even if the original intent is masked by self-denial.
Here are the short-forms of each Answer. Please be sure to read the full Answer, so that you're certain it applies.
Dump the Motherfucker
Yes, it's true that this is strong language, but sometimes, only strong language will get the point across. For one reason or another, you have ended up hooked to someone who is (according to the person who sent you this link) extremely unhealthy for you. Maybe they're a nutcase manipulator. Maybe they're an emotional basket case and you're still trying to work out the kinks from the previous basket case. Maybe they prefer unfrosted Pop-Tarts. For whatever reason, it is believed that your best move at this stage of the game is "extraction". And not a moment too soon, either!
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http://www.petting-zoo.org/Essay_Answers.html#Dump
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Get the Fuck Out
Sometimes it just happens. Sometimes you find yourself in a situation. Sometimes you put yourself there. Sometimes Fate put you there. And worse, you haven't got any sort of persuasive power over the other people making your life -- in one or more ways -- miserable. The only thing you do have control over is yourself. Which, in such extreme cases as these, is perfect, because you need to get the hell out of that situation immediately. Don't think about it. Don't try to second-guess yourself. Just get out. Get way out. Another state, if possible.
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http://www.petting-zoo.org/Essay_Answers.html#Jet
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Deal With It
Every once in a while, Random Chance deals us a shitty card. It happens. And we're not in a position where we can do anything about the results and we're not in a position where we can leave. We can bitch and moan and cry and whimper, but really, when all the foofery is stripped away from our situation, when the ego has been set aside with the tantrums and the drama, the only real choice ahead of us is to just deal with it. Come to terms with it. Accept it as a part of the grand tapestry of Life, of which you are a part. Not everybody gets the rose petals, sometimes they get the thorns. The healthiest outlook on this is to just shrug your shoulders, grin in a goofy-ass lopsided way, and deal with the situation as best you can.
For some people, consolation is derived from the lemonade model. If Life hands you lemons, make lemonade. Like most advice to children, this can prove massively useful. The troubles of Life sometimes seem to exist solely to remind us that we are alive and that we can feel. As hackneyed and obnoxious an idea as that must sound, sometimes, that's the only thing you can achieve out of an otherwise impossible morass.
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http://www.petting-zoo.org/Essay_Answers.html#Cope
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You Don't Get One
Entitlement is a funny thing. At different points in our lives, we honestly do feel entitled to stuff. I don't know why. Maybe it has to do with parents telling kids that everything should be "fair".
Sometimes, we can demand what we believe is "ours". Sometimes we can stamp our feet and shake our little balled-up fist at the Universe and screw up our faces and scream "It's MINE!". And sometimes, that works. But the person who felt you needed to read this feels differently. It's quite likely that your demand, in the context in which it was presented, was valued little more than a child's crying when it is discovered that Life, in fact, isn't entirely fair. But please don't feel bad, or belittled (unless you really, really want to). Everybody makes this mistake. Everybody at least twenty or so times in their life discovers that they've been demanding a bit much from the Universe and for no good reason. It never feels good being caught out at foolishness and so we often lash out at the message-bearers. Not very nice. Probably the best action at this stage is to acknowledge in a playful manner that you are only human and move on with the rest of the conversation, realizing that the part when you believed you "deserved" something just ain't gonna happen. At least not if you keep waving your hand that way.
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http://www.petting-zoo.org/Essay_Answers.html#Rights
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Because You're not God
Okay, we're not talking about the Heinlein freaks here, with all the "Thou art God" stuff. That's nice, but it's not exactly relevant. What we're talking about is the Christian God, a omnipotent, omniscient and fundamentally selfish, childish temperamental creature who wants the world -- nay the Universe -- to rotate in a great big circle around Him. That kind of god. You're not that kind of god. You're just an ordinary person, much like most other ordinary people. You cannot make people do what you want. You can't make them love you, you can't make them hate you, you can't make them admit you're god, you can't make them put the toilet seat down, you can't make them bundle their dental floss neatly, you can't make them stay awake at chick flicks, you can't make them put the nail clippers back where they belong. You can't control people.
You can influence them. You can attempt to persuade them. You can cajole, browbeat, harass or otherwise attempt to influence their decisions (not that any or all of these are particularly good -- but moral judging is beyond the scope of this document). But you can't force 'em.
And even if you could, who wants a puppet for a partner (well, assuming it wasn't one of those really expensive vibrating puppets)? A partner with Free Will is better for your ego. You know they're with you because they want to be, not because they're held against their will by some force, such as god or meat hooks.
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http://www.petting-zoo.org/Essay_Answers.html#God
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Romance is a DIY Proposition
After all the work you've probably done on yourself, on your own psyche, on your environment... After all the deprogramming you've endured to truly make yourself the Better Person you've wanted to be, this is probably not the best news in the world, but at least someone thinks it's important enough to tell you. Your life is your ship and you must be the captain of that vessel. You need to make your decisions. Certainly, you can have advisors. Certainly you can ask others for help or advice. But when it gets right down to brass tacks, you are the only true Master of your Fate.
And yes, that includes Romance. You have to get out there. You have to meet people. Introduce yourself. Go to social events, have a good time, meet more people. Meet their friends. Do things, become a part of different social and activity groups. Know anyone who goes hiking? Try going with them! If you don't, but you would like to? You might have to take the initiative yourself and just simply plan your own hike and invite others along. At least you'll have hiking in common!
It is a rare and wonderful Universe where people come to us for the sole reason because we rock. We have to get out there and show people how much we rock. We have to get out there and be a part of the network around us.
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http://www.petting-zoo.org/Essay_Answers.html#DIY
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You are Clueless
There are plenty of soft gentle fluffy-bunny ways of putting this. There are plenty of folks in the world who would be happy to coddle this answer in your direction, smothering it with sweetness and kisses and warm velvety chocolate until it has completely and totally lost its power. Most of the time, when you surround yourself with people who are only willing to blow sunshine up your shorts, then the best result you can expect is well-aired genitals. Nice at times, but not always the most useful.
With that in mind, please note that you have been deemed clueless. Note that this might not be a blanket condemnation of you as a whole person (or it might be), but at least within the confines of the discussion that resulted in your reading these words, you have been deemed clueless. Sorry.
A common question often asked at this point is "Clueless how?" This is a very good question and you are welcome to ask that question of the person or people who referred you this far. But chances are, you'll have a hard time accepting data from them, so a possibly more fruitful approach is to take a fresh look yourself at what you've recently said or written or asked. Did it have some assumption in it that doesn't really make sense? Did you ask a question the answer of which has been offered four or five times, rephrased slightly differently, in the desperate gamble that you aren't simply suffering from some form of word-related dyslexia. Is the answer to your question already in the question as asked (a big clue to this is that somewhere in your question is a phrase similar to "I know you're all going to think I should [insert an answer here] but... [insert your objection here]). If you see something like that, then that's probably a big clue.
Often, the biggest mistake a clueless person can make is continuing to beat the horse, as if the bouncing of the truncheon against the meat serves some sort of purpose in God's plan. It doesn't. The horse is dead and there's blood on your face. Metaphorically speaking, there's nothing more you can do until you figure out what your Vital Clue is. Hint: you are sooooooo missing it! As tempting as it might be to do otherwise, or to respond or to once again try and explain your position, it is probably most important that you place your hands at your side, and slowly back away from the computer. That would be best.
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http://www.petting-zoo.org/Essay_Answers.html#Clue
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Get a Hobby
It's always hard to realize that you are not the center of someone else's universe. It can be a real heck of a shock to the system, no two ways about it. Right now, you're probably feeling alone or rejected, or alone or empty or alone or void or, well, you get the drift. It would be easy to mope around the house, open and reopen the fridge door fifty times, or to eat the rest of the ice cream and carrot cake, but really, that's not what you need to do. You need a hobby.
In all likelihood, you used to have a hobby. Maybe you collected stamps or build model rockets, or raced slot cars or crocheted dildo cosies for blind orphan nuns, but since then, your focus has become more and more on non-hobby things, such as focusing on that One Special Person. So, when that One Special Person goes out and has a good time, you're stuck at home, alone, with nothing to do but wish you could shove them back into the emptiness that swells within you when left to your own devices. But you know, it's about time you drove your own soul for a while. So, get a hobby! Revive a hobby from your youth, or come up with a wholly new and different one! Learn a musical instrument. Go hiking. Hang out with some other people. Get some sun.
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http://www.petting-zoo.org/Essay_Answers.html#Hobby
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It'll Blow Over
Honest. It'll blow over. At times such as these, we are always tempted to think it'll continue increasing on the Suck-Day scale. We're always sure that this is the absolutely worst possible thing that can happen and that there's no way out. We're in the bottom of a pit filled with things that would churn a strong man's stomach.
But it's not. Really. The future will unroll and things will look better from that perspective. The previous sentence is unbelievable, of course, but you must believe it. The alternative is madness. Whatever it is, it'll blow over. It'll mean little or nothing a year from now, or two years from now. You probably have a roof over your head, and a potential warm meal in the other room and at least one other person in the Universe who loves you. But chances are, you can't see it, which is fine, because you're caught in the middle of a matrix of mental masturbation and not the wow-that-felt-good kind, but the forlorn-and-alone-in-a-cheap-motel-room kind. It happens. If it really does seem insurmountable, if it really does seem like you're faced with the impossible, then just focus on a day one week from today. Just decide that everything you feel in the next seven days (and I mean everything) is the result of a peculiar sort of drinking binge and that a week from now, you'll wake up in an alley, probably with bizarre stains on what remains of your shirt and someone else's underpants stuck on your temple. You'll shake your head and wonder, because the last week will have seemed like a dazed whack-a-mole of life. But thank goodness you're back in your body now!.
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http://www.petting-zoo.org/Essay_Answers.html#Passover
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Why?
Sometimes, it's the simplest questions that are the real fuckers in our lives. Okay, whatever it is, you know you want to do it, and you know with whom you want to do it and you have a plan on accomplishing it and you think you have it all figured out, but for some reason, you're hesitating. You're not sure. You have doubts. Why might that be? In most cases, it's probably because there's something nagging at the back of your brain, something that's a lot like that passive aggressive high school girlfriend who won't just ask for what she wants, but prefers asking for what she thinks you'll give her. Something's nagging in the back of your mind and it won't let you do what you want with a clear conscience.
That something is you realizing that your motive is suspect. Why are you doing this? Why are you trying to do whatever it is that you're trying to do? You seriously need to answer that question and here's why -- when we really understand why it is we are doing something, then it becomes much easier to make it work. It becomes much easier to set the path we need and to tell right away if we're getting closer or farther from our goal. Until we examine, understand, and accept our motives for what they are, we're always trying to fool ourselves and the world about what we're really trying to do.
An added bonus: if you already know your motives, then you're going to be one-up on the person who asks "So, why are you doing this, anyway?" and that, certainly, is worth spending a few minutes in self-examination.
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http://www.petting-zoo.org/Essay_Answers.html#Why
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